Unlike hearing, listening is a skill we must develop 

We are born with the innate ability to breathe, see, hear, walk and heal from life’s bumps and bruises. These happen without thought. But what about listening? Is it innate, like hearing– or something else? 

I hear the sounds around me: a truck beeping in reverse, birds searching for berries, a siren in the distance. But am I listening? When someone says, “Listen,” we instinctively pause, redirect our focus and tune in. True listening requires that kind of deliberate attention. 

Unlike hearing, listening is a skill we must develop, much like exercising a muscle. And it begins with us. To be fully present with another person’s emotions, we must first acknowledge our own, quieting the “committee” in our heads filled with to-do lists, stress and judgment. Without that self-awareness, our attention drifts. Instead of listening, we jump to fixing, consoling or rushing the conversation so we can check it off as “done.” 

But listening – deep, compassionate listening – creates space for healing. When words are tangled in layers of emotion and experience, it is the gift of a patient listener that allows another person to unravel and articulate their truth. Not fixing. Not rescuing. Simply listening. 

As Robert Bolton wrote, “Listening is never easy. It requires self-transcendence … To listen well means to be vulnerable.” Yet when we choose to listen carefully, respectfully and with empathy, we offer one of the greatest gifts we can give: our true presence.