The Bengals had a “Dazed and Confused” start, but we hope their season will be cinematic

“The beauty of this team is we know it’s a 17-game season. There’s no overreaction on our end.” —Zac Taylor 

Outside the Cincinnati Bengals locker room, it feels different. For the second year in a row, our Bengals start the season 0-2. This is not how we wanted the script to go. The Bengals have Super Bowl potential and aspirations. Since the playoffs expanded to seven teams per conference in 2020, only the 2022 Bengals have made the playoffs after starting a season 0-2.  Given those odds, we would have preferred avoiding such a sequel. The NFL opened up its 104th season with an advertising campaign that satirically equated this league season to a scripted movie.  With that concept in mind, let’s attempt to equate each chapter of this Cincinnati Bengals 2023 season to a memorable film.   

For our opening chapter, we will return to the darkest era in Bengals history: the 1990s. Things may seem bad in Bengal-land at the moment but a heavy dose of reality can bring renewed perspective. Between the 1990 and 1999 seasons, the Cincinnati Bengals had the worst record in the NFL with a record of 52-108.  In 1993, we surrendered our franchise fortunes to our newest savior—David Klingler. What followed was a long and painful 3-13 campaign.  

Also in 1993, the movie “Dazed and Confused” was released to little fanfare. (“Dazed and confused” might even seem an apt description as to how the Who-Dey Nation is feeling today.) The film is director Richard Linklater’s nostalgic trip back to the final day of school in the summer of 1976.  It follows a group of teenagers on one night as they meander around town, drinking beer and hanging out, in search of a good time. Though it failed initially at the box office, “Dazed and Confused” found a devoted following on home video and has since become a beloved cult classic. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading and see it now. Spoilers ahead. 

The most memorable scene:  “Air Raid!”  Apparently in this small Texas town that “Dazed and Confused” is set,  the hazing of the incoming freshmen is a rite of passage and a condoned community event.  The freshmen boys are chased down and paddled in the streets at the hands of the newly crowned seniors—their bottoms bruised by the end of ornately decorated paddles lovingly designed by their executioners.  The girls are essentially tarred and feathered in the public square, mocked and humiliated by the senior girls in front of an amused audience.  It’s a scene that is so over the top and so out of bounds from what’s allowable in today’s modern society, that it’s laugh-out-loud funny and stands out as “Dazed”’s most unforgettable scene.    

The Bengals finally rediscovered their version of the “air raid” in the second half against Baltimore. After six sluggish quarters in which the Bengals offense failed to penetrate the end zone, Joe Burrow finally connected with Tee Higgins in the 3rd quarter to find paydirt for the first time this season.  Through the first six quarters this season, Burrow had thrown for only 117 yards total: 82 yards in Week 1 against the Browns and 35 yards in the first half against the Ravens. In the second half of the Ravens game, the offense began to find its rhythm again.  Burrow threw for 187 yards and 2 touchdowns and the offense amassed more first downs in 2 quarters than it had in the previous game and one half.  Let’s hope the momentum the Bengals offense found in the second half continues to carry over. 

Runner-Up:  “Joint sub-committee meeting on the 50-yard line” (“Dazed and Confused”). Charlie “Chuck Sizzle” Jones’ punt return touchdown against the Ravens (Bengals). 

Best performance:  There are so many memorable performances from a then-unknown cast in “Dazed and Confused.” But no one else owns the movie quite like Matthew McConaughey.  McConaughey is Wooderson, a 20-something townie, long since graduated from high school, who refuses to grow up and still spends his nights partying with teenagers. The character was probably supposed to be pathetic but in McConaughey’s hands, Wooderson is charismatic, confident and cool. His slow motion strut through the pool hall to the tune of Bob Dylan’s “Hurricane” is about as cool as it gets. “Dazed” announced McConaughey’s arrival.   

Tee Higgins announced his arrival this season with a leading man performance against the Ravens.  Higgins hauled in 8 catches for 89 yards and 2 scores against Baltimore, coming off the Cleveland game in which he failed to register a single reception.  Like the Dazed and Confused cast, this Bengals offense is a loaded cast of talented stars; however, it was Higgins, sometimes given a supporting role, who stepped forward and shone brightest on this particular day.   

Runner-up:  Parker Posey, “Dazed and Confused.” Joe Mixon, Bengals (13 carries for 59 yards and four catches for 36 yards). 

Worst part of the movie: Wiley Wiggins as Mitch Kramer can be painful to watch. In a movie in which so much works well and seems authentic, Wiggins’ performance seems forced and awkward.  And he grabs the bridge of his nose way too much…like over 40 times in the film apparently.  

For the Bengals, the worst part of this opening chapter is undoubtedly the re-aggravation of Joe Burrow’s calf muscle. He didn’t look well at the conclusion of Sunday’s Ravens game and later admitted in the post-game press conference that he tweaked his calf. It’s apparent that the calf injury has already limited his usual mobility. There are already some questions about whether the Bengals may have rushed Burrow back too soon, before the calf was fully healed. The injury is casting real doubt on Joe’s availability to play in the coming weeks. As Joe goes, the Bengals go. If the calf causes Burrow to miss some games, the Bengals’ chances of a successful season could greatly wane. 

Best piece of dialogue: Joe Burrow probably summed it up best as he left the field against the Ravens by uttering the most flexible and self-expressive colorful word in our lexicon. No doubt, those sentiments were shared by all Bengals fans on Sunday. If the calf injury causes Burrow to miss time, you will hear the collective refrain of this colorful word emanating from Cincinnati. 

It is in difficult times like these as fans that we need to heed the immortal words of McConaghey’s Wooderson.  Towards the film’s conclusion, Wooderson urges his teenage proteges with a simple yet profound command that remains the film’s best piece of dialogue:  “You just gotta keep livin’ man.  L-I-V-I-N.” 

It has been a difficult start to the season. There could be more bumps in the road ahead. Yet, this Bengals team still remains one of the most talented rosters in the league. It is a team with incredible chemistry and continuity. It is a team that’s weathered adversity before and deserves our benefit of the doubt that they have the resoluteness to right the ship again.  Have faith, Who-Dey Nation. Quoting Wooderson once again, everything is going to be “alright, alright, alright.” 

Jon Bunch is an avid life-long Bengals fanatic. Raised in the 740. West Pointer, Army and Iraq War veteran. Passionate evangelist of the Who-Dey spirit. @WhoDeyBunch