Coming soon to a cable network near you: "Torquemada's Tax Audit."

Contestants are selected at random from the Forbes 400 "” Warren Buffett, George Soros, Donald Trump, Mark Zuckerberg, Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates "” and have to spend a week in a belligerently beige federal dungeon with a malicious IRS auditor played by Rosie O'Donnell or (insert has-been celebrity/politician here).

Each crumpled receipt, sketchy deduction and bogus business expense gets an MRI scan. Every drop of blood, sweat and tears is magnified in close-ups by hidden cameras as the twitching, weeping taxpayer is forced to explain his IRS 1040, line by tortured line. Michael Moore, in a flattering black hood, stands by with red-hot irons and thumb screws to apply "encouragement." At the end, the audience votes to "Rack "¢em up" or "Torque his taxes." Hilarity ensues.

In Development

You won't find this in your "TV Guide" yet, but I'm pretty sure something is in development. It fills the last overlooked gap in the "reality" lineup. Every one of the Seven Deadly Sins has been exploited "” except one.

1. Lust wins pants down. Too many shows and commercials to list including "Temptation Island," "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show" and all those leering, panting dating shows. (Does anyone know what Go Daddy does besides advertise Lust?)

2. Greed is brought to you by "The Apprentice," "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" and all those Fear Factor/Wipeout/Survivor clones that explore the final frontiers of worm-eating humiliation in the name of jackpot Greed.

3. Gluttony is on the menu at "Man vs. Food," which endeavors to discover how many groaning platters of greasy fried meat, habanero sauce and gooey cheese a chubby dude can gobble without barfing.

4. Laziness is on every channel, because nothing is lazier than a reality show. Research shows that watching TV actually makes people more stupid, but I heard that on TV so I can't remember"¢ Duh!

5. Wrath is the standby plot driver for action dramas, but Wrath is especially proud of its cable shout shows on MSNBC and Fox, where Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity stoke bonfires of smoldering outrage that could trigger global warming in hell.

6. Pride dances with the stars when it's not trying to keep up with the Kardashians.

And that leaves "” Envy.

Which is surprising, because among the Seven Deadlies, Envy is the new American Idol. It's the only one God spelled out in specific detail in his Tenth Commandment: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, NOR ANY THING that is thy neighbor's." (Emphasis added because God knows the lawyers at Beelzebub & Lucifer are looking for loopholes.)

Most Unredeemable

And Envy is the most unredeemable, repulsive deadly sin.

Lust at least fills Cupid's quiver with arrows. Greed is good for Gordon Gecko, Adam Smith and Wall Street. Without Gluttony, there would be no France, no triple Whoppers and no personal skillet of breakfast. Laziness invented the TV remote and the electric fork (available only on Glutton TV). Wrath is trademarked by God. And Pride can easily justify itself.

But Envy. Nothing good can be said of it. A man wears his Envy like a petty grudge. Ashamed to show it in public, he dresses it up as "equality" and nurses it on fantasies of injustice. Envy makes life bitter and sour, then blames everyone else. Only Envy holds happiness hostage to the misfortune of others.

Such as the media obsession on Mitt Romney's tax returns. He was a pariah because he paid "only" 15 percent, while giving as much to charity. The press said it was a problem of "fairness." But fairness to whom? What someone else pays in taxes has no effect on me. And as we all are reminded at this time of year, nobody can choose what they have to pay. No rational person can say with a straight face that the government doesn't take enough. And even the lunatics who say taxes are too low have never been caught overpaying their own taxes.

No, that brand of "fairness" is the enemy of freedom, rooted in the festering compost pile of Envy. Implicit in the whining about Romney's taxes was a breathtaking belief that the government should take more of his property because others had less.

Blaming the Winners

Socrates saw that ugly face of Envy even before it was promoted to a super-seven sin. He predicted that Envy would be the fatal flaw of democracies. It makes sense. In an autocracy, your place in society is ordained by birth, king or fate. Born a serf, stay a serf. Not your fault. But in a free society, everyone has an opportunity to succeed or fail.

And it's human nature for the losers to bitterly blame the winners. If you can't blame the king for holding you down, you blame "the man'' next door who has a better house and a newer ox with heated, power seats. Then you dress up Envy in Social Justice sandals and wave signs that tell the government to take your neighbor's ox and give it to you.

Occupy Wall Street. Tax the rich. "Fair share." The Buffett Tax. The 99 Percent. It's all gangrene envy. The vultures that Socrates saw on the horizon have come home to roost in blue-tarp tents. The media storyline is noble Fairness vs. Greed. It's a fairy tale. The true story is Envy vs. Free Enterprise, which only hires Greed to get things done.

What the press won't dare to say is that we've had three years of an extreme makeover to what Winston Churchill called "the gospel of envy," socialism. And it's not going well. "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy," he said. "Its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."

He could have been describing our shared economic misery, inflicted by the toxic politics of Envy. Unfortunately, it's not an imaginary TV show like "Amish in Los Angeles" or "Shark Jumpers."

It's just reality.